Ready or not.

So I'm in the middle of my second to last week here in Cambodia and I am already sad to leave. I can't think about leaving my students and my new friends without getting emotional. This past week I've been doing so much processing and thinking about all the things I have been through these past several weeks. A part of me feels so sad and frustrated. Frustrated at seeing how these people have to live. Everyday I see people living in extreme poverty. Little kids trying to get you to buy a bracelet just so they can afford their next meal. You pass by land mine victims on the streets begging for any extra Riels you might have. It's insane. Probably the most frustrating part about it is when you see the level of wealth of some people. I have probably seen more Range Rovers and Lexuses here in Phnom Penh than in any major city in the U.S. I'm not kidding. It also isn't  uncommon to see a multi-story mansion being built across the street from a wooden shack where a family of 10 could be living. The different lifestyles can be seen within 100 feet of each other. It's something I cannot get my head around.

One of the biggest cultural shocks I have had here was the Cambodian vision of beauty. The idea that white skin is superior and dark skin is ugly. Go to any supermarket, mini mart, or marketplace, you will find a whole aisle purely dedicated to whitening cream. Shelves and shelves plastered with different types. I was shocked. Coming from a place where people purposely pay money to sit in a machine that makes your skin darker, as to here in Cambodia, where white skin equals perfection. The Cambodian society has accepted this as the symbol of beauty and you should work everyday to keep yourself as light as possible. From using cream to wearing jeans and jackets during the day to shield your skin from the sun. My students didn't understand why I would wanted my skin to get darker while I was here. I remember when I came back from Siem Reap my first weekend here and one of my students said, "Teacher your skin, it's darker, why would you let that happen?" They just couldn't understand that to us, being tan is a good thing. Very different ideas and visions. 

Clothing however is very westernized here. You will see shopping malls and clothing boutiques promoting the latest trends and fashions. I will say though, Cambodians are so much tinier than Americans. So many of the other volunteers have such a hard time finding any clothes that will fit them. Back home I am usually like a small or a medium, but here I am like a large or extra large. And if you're in the marketplace and one of the ladies selling the clothes thinks you are too big for their clothes, she will tell you. Yep straight up tell you, "oh too big lady. I don't have big size for you." Gee thanks. Haha but its true, Cambodians are super tiny.

One thing I am really going to miss when I do go back is how friendly this country is. Being able to wave at someone, even if you don't know them, and having them smile and wave back. Today we were in a cafe and we were sitting across the table from this lady eating some fruit and without even a second thought she offered us some. Cut some up and gave it to us. Cambodian are so willing to share their things with you or give you a place to sit or answer any of your questions or just give you a friendly smile. I really enjoy the people here and I will miss them dearly.  

These were just some of the things I have especially noticed during my time here. As I continue on with my last couple of weeks I will try to share with you my final thoughts and feelings as often as I can. I can't believe where the time has gone and I can't believe that in less than two weeks, I will be on the opposite side of the world, back home. I don't know if I'm ready. Ready to leave this all behind. I guess we'll see.